


Open Secret

by Maknaeholic



Series: Slipping Through My Fingers [3]
Category: NCT (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:21:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22036972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maknaeholic/pseuds/Maknaeholic
Summary: “I remember when we first met, since then… every single moment, I’ve been in love with you.”
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Na Jaemin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: Slipping Through My Fingers [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571809
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	Open Secret

**Author's Note:**

> This is not exactly the end of the series but it's like the major turn in the relationship of JaeIn.
> 
> Honestly? I wrote this on a whim and it turned into a monster.
> 
> I might write a bit more into NoRen and SeungBin's relationships later on.
> 
> The song is True Love by Kim SungGyu (Infinite's leader).
> 
> I have no idea what proofreading is so excuse any typos or mistakes.

"Innie, why does this bother you so much?” JaeMin has a point, he fucking has a point, and it pisses JeongIn even more as he has no reason to be behaving this way.

Why is he so mad about this whole situation? This is what JeongIn's wanted all his life: for JaeMin to stop following him around like a lovesick puppy. They've barely been apart for a _month_ yet JeongIn's acting like they haven't seen each other in a year. JaeMin only left first for their college campus because he wanted to get familiar with the place better before SeungMin and JeongIm also went there. They're even going to the same college after growing up together, still…

Why is there a burning feeling in his chest like JaeMin did something unspeakable to him? JeongIn wants to slap him across the face; he's never been good with his JaeMin-related emotions.

With a groan, he paces around his dorm, "I just… you didn't tell us! SeungMin's shocked too! We're your friends!" JeongIn drags SeungMin into it, hoping to be able to let out more of his feelings without JaeMin misunderstanding and thinking he has a crush on him or _something_. Because he _doesn't_. Hell, the idea of having feelings for JaeMin is so stupid it makes JeongIn's blood boil again. Thinking of JaeMin kissing a random guy in the middle of the fucking campus annoys him too! Doesn't he have some dignity left to be doing such things before their semester even starts?

"JeongIn, you've made a clear point that SeungMin and ChangBin are your friends. I was just a boy you were forced to grow up with by our parents," JaeMin's calm, as he's always been when he's not excited to be near JeongIn, and it's frustrating the younger. "If you wanna be friends with me now, _okay_. RenJun's my boyfriend, sorry I didn't text you the details."

"That's not what I meant, I—" JeongIn's mind comes up with an amazing idea. JaeMin's mention of their parents is what JeongIn needs to save his ass. "Does your dad and otousan know?"

"What?" JaeMin blinks at him, confused.

"Yeah, does uncle Yuta and uncle TaeYong know?"

"They… don’t? Like I said, Innie, we started dating a month ago, it's not like we're getting married and elope," JeongIn scoffs, and JaeMin shrugs. "Not yet at least."

"What?" JeongIn is about to let out another accusing scream, something JaeMin's quite familiar with, when SeungMin opens the door with ChangBin right behind. "Minnie! Perfect! Tell him what you think about this relation of his!"

"Well, I was talking to Binnie hyung and we honestly think it's great," SeungMin smiles at JaeMin, hugging him. SeungMin and JaeMin are pretty close, not as close as they are with their respective best friends, but they get along much better than JeongIn does with JaeMin. JeongIn doesn't blame them because JaeMin didn't spend all his life, until last month apparently, harboring a crush on SeungMin.

It's not like JaeMin ever said anything explicit about his feelings for JeongIn, but it was kind of an open secret. JaeMin never confessed his love for JeongIn and just silently did everything he was told to by the younger, even things JeongIn never asked from him, like the one time JaeMin came home covered in bruises and a busted lip. The older refused to tell his parents about what happened; however, JeongIn found the next day that JaeMin had picked a fight with an upper classmate that had been bullying him. Jeno was the one that told JeongIn, asking for him to be a little kinder to JaeMin as the boy was an idiot but one that put him over everything and everyone.

Fifteen-years-old JeongIn did the complete opposite and screamed at JaeMin for 'defending' him when he could perfectly look after himself. No matter how much JeongIn complained though, the uncomfortable feeling in his heart only left when JaeMin, instead of walking away, just gave him that charming smile he took from his otousan. "You're okay, and that's all that matters to me."

JeongIn blushed but turned his head to the side, a gesture JaeMin had known since he can remember. "You're stupid," the younger looked at him out of the corner of his eye, scanning the purple and red on JaeMin's usually fair skin. That and the scab right on the corner of his bottom lip. "Do they hurt?"

"Much less now, Jeno's pretty good at patching up, you know? When he's not giving me a lecture about how violence is not the way," JeongIn huffed a small laugh out, walking to sit on the couch, and turned on the TV. "Still, it was my problem, not yours, JaeMin."

JaeMin sat down next to him. For the first time, his expression was unreadable for JeongIn, "The things he said about you, JeongIn… I should've broken his nose," JaeMin had never spoken in such a low tone, so JeongIn could only stare at him. There was a buzzing in his ears, but he blamed it on the TV's static. "Okay, what you wanna watch, Innie?" just like that, JaeMin's grin was back.

Everything was back to normal.

JeongIn tries hard not to think about it, not to think of JaeMin, because it just frustrates him. Like how he feels looking at ChangBin and SeungMin talking to JaeMin as if he’s not there. This helps in knocking some sense into him. JeongIn sighs, and the three people crowding his new dorm turn to look at him. ChangBin swings an arm around his shoulders, trying to ease the tension that radiates off of JeongIn, “So, when are you going to formally introduce us to this boyfie of yours?”

JaeMin's face lights up, “Well, we only have subject introductions tomorrow, maybe after class is over? Though I think Innie and Minnie will meet him first.”

“Why?” JeongIn’s intention isn’t to sound curt, but JaeMin doesn’t even blink at this.

“Because you two have the same major Junnie is also a vocal major.”

“Really?” SeungMin’s genuinely interested, which annoys JeongIn even more so his shoulders slump. ChangBin side-eyes him, saying nothing, only squeezes him in a reassuring manner. “I can’t wait to meet him then! We’ll text you to meet in the cafeteria after we’re all free!”

“Don’t forget to tell Jeno,” ChangBin reminds them, moving away from JeongIn to intertwine his fingers with SeungMin’s. He pecks his boyfriend before he bids goodbye. “We’ll see you tomorrow!”

JaeMin and JeongIn wave at their friend until ChangBin’s out the door. JaeMin turns, surprised to see that JeongIn seems to be more relaxed now. He expected the younger to keep on lashing out at him, but JaeMin’s glad that he isn’t as angry anymore. “I’ll be going too then too, bye!” SeungMin closes the door after JaeMin takes one last look at JeongIn.

“So…”

“So?” JeongIn’s a completely different person once JaeMin’s gone. SeungMin sits on his bed as he stares at JeongIn with a disapproving look. “What?”

“What was all that about? I thought you wanted JaeMin off of your back,” JeongIn nods, like it’s obvious, but SeungMin frowns, “Then why make such a fuss now that he’s finally dating someone?”

“I was just taken aback, okay? First thing I see walking into campus is him sucking faces with… a shortie,” they both giggle because, as morally right as SeungMin can be, he can’t quite scold JeongIn for that. “You'll text Jeno?”

“Already did, it says he’s cool and he’ll meet us tomorrow.”

~

JeongIn's surprised when he sees Jeno first in the cafeteria, sitting on his own on a table near the entrance. He softly calls out to him, and the boy smiles brightly at him, reminding JeongIn of a cute puppy. Taking a seat next to him, JeongIn asks for the others’s whereabouts, “I don’t know? Jaem said he’s on his way here with RenJun, and Minnie said he’s just going to wait until ChangBin's dismissed to come. They’re probably gonna be here soon though. You hungry?”

“I don’t know, you gonna eat something?” JeongIn pouts and Jeno ruffles his hair, accepting to share something. “Hey, Jeno-yah, what you think of... RenJun?” the younger hopes his question comes out as casual as it can. JeongIn doesn’t want Jeno telling JaeMin he asked about his boyfriend behind his back, apparently pressed by the whole issue because he is _not_.

Jeno's not half as naive or gullible as JaeMin, and JeongIn knows this, so when the older squints his eyes at him, he knows he’s caught onto JeongIn’s little tactic. “RenJunnie, huh? Don’t you share major with him, Innie? Jaem said you’d most likely hit up a conversation there.”

“We're sitting way too far from each other,” JeongIn retorts, shrugging. “So? You’re avoiding my question.”

“Okay, I think RenJun’s great. I think you’ll like him, you’re both spawns of Satan,” the younger fakes a laugh, but Jeno rolls his eyes with a smile. “Why are you so interested in Jaem’s boyfriend, mmh?”

“I am not interested in him!”

“Sounds like you are.”

“I’m not! I just… JaeMin’s our friend, I’m looking out for him.”

“Looking out for him?” Jeno’s truly startled by the comment, never once in his life, which was spent next to JaeMin and close to JeongIn, had he heard JeongIn say anything close to that regarding JaeMin. He places a hand to JeongIn’s forehead, eyes big and mouth agape, but is quickly shoved off. “Is this really you, Innie? Since when you ‘look out’ for Jaem? All I’ve known of you two is the way you push him away and him coming right back.”

“I’ve always been like this! I just didn’t want it to get to JaeMin’s head.”

JeongIn frowns when Jeno turns serious, “Innie, jokes aside, you sound very jealous of RenJun for dating JaeMin,” the word echoes in JeongIn’s head ' _jealous_ ', and he asks himself if he is, indeed, jealous. How could that be? Yeah, he’s been JaeMin’s object of affection their whole life; nonetheless, he didn’t enjoy it. JeongIn was far more annoyed by JaeMin smothering him with his endless attention than flattered. Jeno knows this, they all know this, why would JeongIn be jealous of RenJun when he was him for over a decade? “I don’t know why you’re acting this way, but… as JaeMin’s best friend, I ask you to be happy for him, okay? And try to get along with Junnie, please, he’s sweet once you get pass his sass.”

“Pass his sass? What does that even mean?”

Before he can get an answer, said couple stops right in front of them, wearing smiles. “Hi! Sorry for being late, we got caught up in something,” JaeMin’s expression turns apologetic, yet JeongIn can’t help but notice his red and slightly swollen lips.

“It’s fine, Innie and I were catching up,” Jeno breaks the silence, pointing at the chairs across from them.

“Junnie, this is JeongIn,” JaeMin moves his hands toward JeongIn, “and you know Jeno.”

“Hi,” RenJun blinks at JeongIn, and JeongIn forces himself to smile because people always ask if he’s angry otherwise. “Minnie and Binnie are not here yet…”

“We can chat while they get here, right?” RenJun’s voice is softer than expected. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Innie.”

JeongIn has to bite his tongue to avoid making a remark that only his friends can call him that, “Is that so? Well, _Nana_ likes to talk a lot,” JaeMin turns to look at him, shocked by the nickname JeongIn stopped using so many years ago. Luckily for both, RenJun’s smile doesn’t falter, “but I wanna know everything, how did you two meet?”

“We came for the introductory course, I sat next to Jeno and Jaem,” the three laugh at what JeongIn guesses must be an inner joke, so he pulls the corners of his mouth up to hide his awkwardness. “I asked Jaem out, I thought he was really handsome. Next thing I know, the month was over and before class even started, I had the best boyfriend ever.”

A straggled laugh comes from JeongIn, who can only shake his head as he processes the information. Jeno notices his struggle and helps him by telling a random anecdote from that time, taking the attention off of JeongIn, which allows him to breathe again. JeongIn’s really glad once SeungMin and ChangBin come rushing in, almost screaming apologies for making them wait. They sit down next to JeongIn, “Nice to meet you, I’m SeungMin and this ChangBin hyung,” SeungMin catches JeongIn’s eyes and knows something’s wrong, so he decides to lead the dynamics, “I’m so sorry we couldn’t take the spot near you during class, RenJun-ah.”

“Oh, it’s fine, I was with my friend Chenle anyways,” RenJun’s much more friendly towards SeungMin. JeongIn wonders if JaeMin ever told him about whatever feelings he had for JeongIn, or if it was just RenJun’s natural instinct. “Maybe tomorrow we can change seats?”

“Of course!” they smile at each other, and the conversation carries on smoothly. JeongIn starts feeling a bit out of place; he’s used to SeungMin and ChangBin being cuddly and touchy with each other. They’ve been dating for half of their lives; even then, watching JaeMin turning his head to place a kiss to RenJun’s temple, kr just playing with his fingers, is something that JeongIn’s not used to witness. His mind wanders off to the times when JaeMin would try to get a kiss or hug from JeongIn after doing him favors, or just playfully asking him for them, and how he rejected every single attempt like a reflex. It’s not like JaeMin never dated anyone before, JeongIn's aware of this, as he had seen the older date a few girls and boys back in their high school days. However, all of them dumped JaeMin because of his friendship with JeongIn. Now, they are no longer teenagers, they are college students… and JaeMin’s not looking at him anymore.

This is what he wanted. This is what he asked for, right? JeongIn should be happy that JaeMin has someone who’s as into him as he’s into them. That’s what he _should_ be feeling; however, all that fills up his head are doubts about RenJun. JeongIn knows JaeMin is objectively attractive, no one can deny it, and after his little hero fiasco, he began working out so his body's fit beneath the comfy hoodies he likes to wear, but isn’t that very shallow of RenJun? To like someone just because they’re hot? JeongIn wants to scoff. There’s so much more to JaeMin than his face or his physique; he’s very sweet, patient, and selfless to the point of enjoying charity work. JeongIn can go on and on listing the things that make JaeMin special; despite that, he decides to listen to what they’re saying, wanting to be part of it, yet something keeps his mouth shut. JeongIn feels… _invisible_ without JaeMin’s constant nagging. “Sorry to interrupt,” all eyes land on him, and suddenly it’s too much. “I’m hungry, isn’t anyone else hungry?” he turns to Jeno, who nods, standing up.

“We’ll get something when you’re back!” RenJun waves his fingers at them, and Jeno has to pull JeongIn towards the counter.

“Do you really like that guy?” Jeno barely looks at JeongIn, letting out a tired sigh. “He’s so fake.”

“I think you don’t like him because _Nana_ likes him.”

“Don’t call him Nana,” Jeno fights back the smirk that wants to curve his lips because JeongIn hates whenever anyone else but him calls JaeMin by the nickname he gave him as kids. “I’d dislike him whether he’s with JaeMin or not.”

“Would you if I were the one dating him?” the younger notices the way Jeno’s expression falls for a second, and he wants to ask, but pushes the menu in his hands instead. “What do you want? We can share, I’m not that hungry.”

“Your treat?”

Jeno looks at JeongIn’s puppy and has to admit he kind of understands JaeMin’s weakness for the boy, “My treat.”

Jumping on Jeno, JeongIn hugs him by the neck, and the two laugh together, “Best hyung Jeno-yah!”

~

It’s not that JeongIn _hates_ RenJun, he doesn’t, but he’d rather keep a friendly distance with his friend’s boyfriend. It seems that life’s not up to date with his plans because he’s paired with said boy to work on their final project performance. RenJun smiles sweetly at him, giving him thumbs up, and JeongIn sends his best excited grin back.

“I heard you and Junnie will work together for a project,” JaeMin comments, as they walk to the older’s dorm because ChangBin’s in the same building and JeongIn wants to ask him for some advice as he’s also majoring in Composition, “have you heard him sing yet? He’s amazing.”

“No yet,” his answer comes out with such a bored underline that even he’s surprised. “I’m sure I will soon, we wanna start practicing in advance.”

“Can I watch?”

JeongIn’s mind races, imagining all the scenarios where JaeMin just gawks at RenJun while he’s standing right there, and quickly shakes his head, “No, we want it to be a surprise!” if he could, he would hi-five himself because JaeMin hums in agreement. “But I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“Of course, it’s Junnie,” JaeMin’s smile turns into the one JeongIn likes to think he keeps only for him after he hears him groan, “and you, _of course_. I just haven’t heard you sing in a long time.”

“More in my favor then, I’ll surprise you, Nana,” they stop by ChangBin’s door while JeongIn’s smiling confidently at him, but JaeMin just stares at him. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“No, it’s nothing,” JaeMin giggles, shaking his head, yet JeongIn keeps pressing, ever the stubborn boy. “I’m being honest, there’s nothing wrong.”

“JaeMin,” JeongIn isn’t playing anymore and knows he’s won when JaeMin holds his gaze, trying to act cute to get out of it. It’s never worked on JeongIn, JaeMin should know better.

“... It’s just,” the older makes this weird thing with his mouth, half opening it and half pursing his lips, as he moves his hands in the air, “you’ve been calling me Nana.”

“I’ve always called you Nana,” JeongIn shrugs, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“No, you actually stopped calling me that when we started high school, remember?”

“What’s so bad about me picking it up again? Does it bother you?” JaeMin shakes his head, and JeongIn raises his eyebrows. “Then? What’s the problem?”

“No problem, there’s no problem, JeongIn,” this is turning into a strange fight where the two would say they aren’t mad, which JaeMin isn’t at all, but JeongIn feels like there’s something else. “Junnie asked me why _only_ you call me that, that’s all.”

So that is what this is about. JeongIn jeers, rolling his eyes, “Well, I gave you the nickname, it’s as simple as that.”

“He kinda wants to call me that? Is it okay if he does?”

“No!” JaeMin almost jumps at JeongIn’s straightforwardness. “No, can’t he just call you baby or something?” he feels anger rising in his throat, along with another sensation that makes the corners of his eyes prick.

“Innie, it’s just a nickname,” no matter how much JeongIn screams at JaeMin, the older never raises his voice at him, and the younger wishes he did for once. Anything to know he still affects JaeMin. “Calm down.”

That’s it. That has the opposite effect, making JeongIn rage, “I said no, JaeMin!” he stomps his foot, like a kid, while JaeMin can only try to reach out to place his hands on the younger’s shoulders when he’s pushed away. “Why does he want _my_ nickname?!”

“JeongIn, relax…”

“Stop saying that!”

It’s then that ChangBin opens the door, a towel around his head and barely dressed, “Guys, what the fuck? They’re gonna file a noise complaint if you don’t keep it down. What’s going on?” JaeMin opens his mouth and closes it, in the middle of processing the same thing as ChangBin. He turns to JeongIn, who just dismisses him, walking straight into ChangBin’s dorm without a single word. “JaeMin? What happened?”

“Nothing, hyung, just tell Innie I’m sorry, okay? I’ll text him later. If he feels down in a while, give him a little sugar, ice cream or chocolate are his favorites,” JaeMin pats ChangBin’s shoulder after the older nods. “Thanks, hyung. See you later.”

“Bye, I guess,” ChangBin mumbles, watching JaeMin walk away. He closes the door to see JeongIn on his bed, legs pulled to his chest, as he scrolls through his phone. “I don’t know whether to ask or not... but wanna tell me what the hell was that about?”

“Nothing,” that’s probably all ChangBin’s going to get from JeongIn for the day, so he just walks to the counter where his roommate keeps his snacks, stealing some of his chocolates before sitting next to his friend. JeongIn glaces at his hands filled with sweets, refusing to ask for them.

“Want some?” ChangBin smiles softly at JeongIn’s pout and nod, handing him everything, and just brings the younger into his arms as he munches on a big chocolate bar. “Innie, I’ve known you my whole life… with or without Minnie’s help, I can tell there’s something bothering you since you got here. Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” JeongIn sniffs, no tears in his eyes with a weight in his heart. He's not sure what’s wrong, but he knows someone who will. “I’ll tell you as soon as I know, okay?” ChangBin accepts this, allowing JeongIn to eat his sweets in silence until he finally feels better and remembers why he’s there in the first place.

~

Avoiding feelings should be JeongIn’s middle name. Once he got relaxed from his fight with JaeMin, and JaeMin apologized again through text, JeongIn felt like everything was okay. Despite his slight awkwardness with RenJun whenever they practice, he’s getting better at being around him. What irks him is the way he knows RenJun wants to ask things, ask about JaeMin, so JeongIn gives him the go-around. He knows one day he’ll have no way to hide, he just wishes it comes later than sooner. Luck isn't on JeongIn's side since he started college.

There’s no escaping RenJun when it’s just the two of them in a small studio/practice room, and they’re taking a break, sitting next to each other, “Hey, JeongIn?”

“Yeah?”

JeongIn watches as the older plays with his water bottle, “Can I ask you something?”

A smile tugs at his lips, “But you just did, RenJun-ah.”

RenJun gives him a playful glare, so he motions for him to ask, “It’s about JaeMin.”

_Oh no,_ JeongIn grits his teeth, if he were to crush the bottle in his hands it’d be way too obvious he’s getting tense, “Ah, yeah? What about him?”

“Jeno says you’re very close,” RenJun waits until JeongIn nods while the younger takes a sip of water. “I… I know JaeMin’s not a virgin,” a loud cough echoes through the room, and the older asks if he’s okay. JeongIn can only give an awkward 'I'm fine' sign with his fingers, encouraging him to go on as he stands up to grab a napkin. A great excuse to hide his face from his partner. “I just… want to know if there’s something he e _specially_ likes?”

Death sounds so much better than this. JeongIn’s still in time to jump in front of a bus and die without regrets. Anything but talking to JaeMin’s boyfriend about JaeMin’s _kinks._ An obvious question hangs between them, one RenJun doesn’t dare to ask, but JeongIn forces himself to look at him as he cleans his mouth. It takes way too long for JeongIn to find his voice, shrugging, “I don’t know? I’m sorry, RenJun-ah, we never talked about stuff like that.”

“Really?” RenJun’s eyes focus on his hands, deep in thought for a moment. “Has he been with a lot of people?”

JeongIn’s trying _hard_ not to think of the one time, during their last year of high school, when JaeMin went over to his house with a disgusting hickey on his neck and a smirk on his face. “A… A few? Shouldn’t you ask him this?”

Spending your life next to someone, same friends, same parties, eventually leads to you learning dirty secrets from them, but you try not to think about them. JeongIn's aware of some of JaeMin’s, only because Jeno runs a mouth when it comes to embarrassing his best friend, and outing him in every “Never Have I Ever” game is his favorite thing to do at gatherings. Actually, JeongIn knows _a lot_ of them. He still tries to not think about them, or his own for that matter. And… exposing them to RenJun? Telling him what JaeMin likes makes him feel like he’s giving away something precious, something JaeMin only shares with people he trusts. Could that mean he doesn’t trust RenJun?

“The thing is… that whenever we’re doing it,” JeongIn has a new coughing fit, he even blows his nose to cover his uneasiness. “I feel like… he's kinda holding back?”

JeongIn just waltzes around, turning off the music box as he fights the pressure in his chest that’s making it hard for him to breathe normally. “I think you should really talk to him about this,” he almost wheezes out, fanning his face to pretend he’s still tired, “but what if you… you do something for him? Like… take the initiative?”

RenJun taps his finger to his cheek before he beams at JeongIn, “Oh my God, yes! I will—”

A shout is about to come out of JeongIn just as the reason of this entire situation opens the door, looking back and forth from his boyfriend to his friend, before RenJun rushes to JaeMin, who opens his arms for him to fall straight into a kiss. JeongIn wants to throw up.

“Hey, baby,” JeongIn cringes inwardly at the petname, “You’re done already?”

“Yeah, we were just talking about you, right?” RenJun turns to look at the youngest there, who hums with a tight smile.

“Oh, really, what about?” JaeMin leans a bit down so RenJun can whisper in his ear, his eyes locking with JeongIn’s. JeongIn doesn’t know why but he shakes his head, cheeks flushing a bit, answering an unasked question. “I see,” JaeMin’s gaze changes for a second before he looks at RenJun again. “You’re leaving, Innie?” JeongIn struggles to say yes because JaeMin’s not even paying attention to him.

“Are you free now?” JaeMin’s boyfriend smirks up at him, pulling him down to join their mouths in a deep kiss. The couple doesn’t even notice the way JeongIn rushes to pick his bag after a few seconds of staring, barely saying something to excuse himself out, and JaeMin might wave at him or not as his mouth’s still attached to RenJun’s but JeongIn doesn’t plan to stay and find out. The moment replays over and over again in JeongIn’s head, JaeMin’s eyes on him but his lips on RenJun’s, and something snaps inside.

Patting his cheeks, JeongIn goes straight for Jeno’s dorm. His hands are shaking when he dials his friend’s number, looking around with a bit of desperation... all comes crashing down on him as soon as Jeno picks up, asking him if he’s okay because JeongIn usually doesn’t call him.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Jeno-yah,” his voice cuts off with an uncontrollable sob.

~

“Hey,” Jeno softly calls, using his knuckles to gently brush the tears away from JeongIn’s cheeks. “It’s fucked up, yeah, but it’s not the end of the world.”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” JeongIn isn’t like this. He’s strong, independent, and witty… not a crybaby who gets emotional over every little issue in his life. “I have known Nana all my life, Jeno. It’s not his first relationship…”

“It’s the first he puts over you though,” Jeno’s observation makes JeongIn’s bottom lip tremble, so he finishes, “but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you anymore, Innie.”

“He doesn’t even look at me anymore!”

“Innie,” Jeno grabs JeongIn’s face in his hands, looking straight into his eyes, “you’re just afraid of losing him. Whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s out of fear, baseless and childish, of losing JaeMin because you’re not the one dating someone.”

“What am I supposed to do? Date the first person that pays attention to me?” JeongIn sniffs.

“No, Innie, you just have to accept the fact that Jaem has someone and you will be just fine on your own until someone meant for you comes along,” Jeno watches as JeongIn fidgets with his fingers on his lap, clearly wanting to say something but being to scared to do so. “What is it?”

“I,” JeongIn bites his lips, “... could I feel like this because I like Nana?”

Jeno drops his hands, blinking slowly. JeongIn feels even dumber after asking that out loud because Jeno is now looking at him like he grew a second head. Not once in his whole life, before this moment, had JeongIn allowed himself to ponder on such things because he was afraid of the outcome. JaeMin and he weren’t SeungMin and ChangBin, if they dated… it would probably end up in a horrible fight that would separate the group of friends by making them pick sides. Nevertheless… JeongIn’s repressed feelings seemed to become overwhelming now that he was no longer JaeMin’s beloved.

“You mean to tell me _now_ you might like Jaem?” Jeno stands up, walking to the small bathroom to bring another piece of toilet paper for JeongIn’s runny nose. “Innie, this might sound harsh… but _don’t_ tell him, please.”

JeongIn wants to argue, but he knows that’d be horribly selfish of him. JaeMin just found someone who loves him back, appreciates him, and doesn’t reject any of his affections, and suddenly JeongIn decides to confess that there may have been a chance he had liked JaeMin for so long? There are still limits, and Jeno’s right. “I won’t, don’t worry. Like you said… it’s just that I’m scared, this will pass.”

“I don’t know if this will help you get better or not,” Jeno sits down next JeongIn on the bed, pulling the younger into his side by placing an arm around his shoulders, “but I have a crush on RenJun.”

“Oh, great, another one,” JeongIn rolls his eyes, cleaning his face with his hands. “What’s so great about that guy?”

“He’s cute,” Jeno’s so casual about that it makes JeongIn feel a bit better, not fawning over him like JaeMin did, “however… JaeMin was not that into him when we first met. I liked him, but he liked Jaem. I knew that if I didn’t let Jun ask him out… Jaem would still be hung up on you.”

JeongIn frowns, “Wait… if it weren’t for you, Nana would still like me?”

“JeongIn, no,” Jeno stops whatever train of thought JeongIn has going on. “If JaeMin was still going after you, you wouldn’t be here, you would be rejecting him just like before.”

As much as JeongIn wants to be mad at his friend, he just can't. It's true… he knows for a fact that if JaeMin was still chasing after him, JeongIn would still be repressing his feelings. Jeno presses his cheek to JeongIn's hair, "Time heals everything, right?"

"Or at least, makes it bearable."

~

SeungMin watches as JeongIn sleeps between them, curled into a tiny ball. ChangBin gives him a small smile and brings his boyfriend's hand to his lips, kissing the back of it. JeongIn told them about everything that happened because he hates hiding stuff from his friends, except for JaeMin apparently, and the couple doesn't have the heart to move him back to his bed.

"Should we talk to Jaem?" ChangBin asks, and SeungMin shakes his head. "I'm just worried… Innie is the kind to explode when it comes to Jaem."

"We'll be there so that doesn't happen, okay?" SeungMin whispers, brushing JeongIn's hair with the fingers of his free. "Hey, Binnie?"

"Mmh?"

"I love you," ChangBin rubs his cheek against the younger's hand like a dog. "I'm glad you confessed back then."

"I'm glad you said it back," ChangBin slowly wiggles away from JeongIn's body, helping SeungMin to do the same, and they both tiptoe to JeongIn's bed. "I love you too," he whispers once they're both huddled under the covers, eyes heavy with sleep.

JeongIn wakes up first and smiles at the sight of his best friends cuddled to the point he didn't know what limb belongs to who, so he just snaps a picture with the caption "relationship goals" and walks towards the bathroom to take a shower. He's completely naked by the time he checks who has seen his story and notices RenJun posted something the night before. He hesitates for a second if he should watch it or not but presses into the bubble and squeaks in surprise when he's met with a very shirtless JaeMin. The picture was blurry but it was enough for a deep blush to bloom on his cheeks as he stares at the lines of JaeMin's back and the shadows over his abs, there's a caption written somewhere, and it's only when the time runs out that he stares at the wall.

"Not the first time I've seen it," JeongIn speaks to himself when he's nervous. He turns on the cold water and pushes his forehead against the tile, thankful for the relief it provides for a few seconds because he hates cold showers. "It's just Nana, for fuck's sake," he keeps on telling himself as he washes. Angrily scrubbing at his skin, the picture is stuck in his head, and JeongIn wonders how long has JaeMin had such body. Even when JeongIn knew JaeMin worked out, it’s been at least a year since he has last seen him shirtless…

“No, no, no,” JeongIn shakes his head, as if asking his body for mercy because he’s feeling way too hot and it’s not because of the heat from the water. It’s too embarrassing to even think of JaeMin like that, he’s one of his childhood friends! His dick doesn’t seem to care and still springs to life at the idea of feeling JaeMin’s defined muscles under his fingers. JeongIn is not half as tiny as RenJun next to JaeMin, but JaeMin is still broader and stronger. The memory of JaeMin carrying him like he weights nothing has JeongIn biting hard on his bottom, a trembling hand running down his own stomach to shyly rub at his erection.

It’s too much, much too quickly, and he’s coming with the ghost of JaeMin's on his lips. He holds back a sob when the rush is gone, his hand clean in seconds thanks to the water running. If a few tears run down his face, from both the overwhelming aftershocks and shame that fills him, no one has to know. JeongIn walks out of the shower, covered in more towels than needed, and rummages through his clothes until he finds something acceptable to wear to class. SeungMin is trying to break free from ChangBin’s grip, who asks JeongIn where he’s going in a groggy voice.

“To class, hyung,” SeungMin jumps up when he checks his phone, pushing ChangBin off the bed, and rushes to the bathroom. “You don’t have class?”

“I do, but I don’t mind being late,” ChangBin stretches out. “How are you feeling?”

“... Worse? But it’s okay,” JeongIn smiles and ChangBin knows that’s how he deals with stress. “Jeno’s right, you’re both right, I’ll forget about this in no time. Also… they can’t last forever, can they?”

SeungMin stops by the door to the bathroom at the rhetorical question, holding onto the door frame, as he gives JeongIn a sad smile. JeongIn takes a look at each of his friends, both wearing similar expressions, not patronizing him but unable to back up his unspoken hope.

~

The semester goes by in the blink of an eye when you’re trying to keep a crush from growing and your grades from falling, and before anyone realizes how time flies, JeongIn and RenJun’s performance is only a few minutes away from starting. The two vocal majors are harmonizing and warming up together backstage when they’re approached by their friends. SeungMin hugs JeongIn and JaeMin kisses RenJun’s cheek.

“Are you guys ready?” JaeMin looks at them with both pride and excitement.

“As ready as we can be,” JeongIn’s honest, no matter how much they practiced throughout the semester, the fear of making a mistake is still there. JaeMin’s eyes soften; JeongIn can hide his emotions from everyone but him, so the older opens his arms for him, never pushing the younger unless he wanted to accept the hug. JeongIn makes himself small in JaeMin’s arms because this is a rare occasion, one where he allows himself to be protected by the older, and can’t stop himself from smiling… until he meets RenJun’s gaze. There’s a glint of something JeongIn can’t quite decypher in them, but he knows it’s probably not good because he’s practically hanging off on his boyfriend. With a pat to JaeMin’s shoulder, JeongIn pulls away and thanks him. SeungMin tells him to meet after he’s done because his performance is after theirs. “Sure, you better take good pictures of me!”

“We’re up next, Innie,” RenJun calls, checking the last details on his outfit, and turns to kiss JaeMin.

“Yeah,” he walks past them to stand by the edge of the stage, behind the curtain. He doesn’t need to feel worse by watching them kiss so sweetly when he’s already nervous enough.

ChangBin waves at Jeno, JaeMin and SeungMin, from his spot in the crowd where he saved seats for all of them. They all greet each other and sit down. Jeno moves closer to JaeMin’s ear so he can speak without raising his voice, “Hey, how are they?”

“Nervous, which is normal,” JaeMin replies with a small smile. “Innie even hugged me!”

“Did he?” Jeno’s reaction lets his best friend know there’s something more. JaeMin furrows his eyebrows at him, “Oh, look! They’re on!”

The two vocal majors take their places, side by side, in the middle of the stage while slow piano keys play. JeongIn’s voice breaks through first, eyes fixed on the crowd, searching, as he pronounces a set of lyrics he knows by heart. JaeMin’s frozen in place, lips parted and eyes wide, his mind all over the place.

_“I remember when we first met, since then… every single moment, I’ve been in love with you.”_

JeongIn’s eyes glisten when the chorus hits because he found JaeMin, focused on him for the first time in so long, and his emotions overwhelm him to the point he’s scared his voice might break. Somehow he makes it all the way to the end of his first part without issues, tapping his foot in time with RenJun’s tempo when he sings next. RenJun’s into it, but not as much as JeongIn, which it’s clear as the meaning behind his song of choice goes way back. They harmonize for the last bridge, which sounds perfect, but RenJun realizes then the way JaeMin and JeongIn are staring at each before the younger takes them all by surprise with his final adlib. The room erupts in applause and whistles, SeungMin pulls JaeMin to the back to meet their friends and JeongIn’s grin is so big his eyes become crescent moons. The younger is engulfed in a tight hug, so strong they’re tipping back as they laugh, and SeungMin can’t stop praising him while holding his face. RenJun notices JaeMin’s just standing a few feet back, unable to do or say something, so he tries to get closer when Chenle hugs him out of nowhere.

“Oh, Lele!” RenJun hugs him back, and his friend just screams nonsense at him, stopping him from reaching his boyfriend and JeongIn.

“Minnie, Minnie!” JaeMin taps SeungMin’s shoulder, who apologizes and moves back so he can also congratulate the younger boy. “JeongIn, the song…” JeongIn blinks, trying to speak and failing every chance.

“Jaem!” RenJun throws himself over JaeMin, who struggles a bit as he catches his boyfriend while trying to look at JeongIn. The younger vocal major steps back, going straight to SeungMin to whom he whispers something in his ear. SeungMin nods, giving his best friend one last hug, and waves goodbye to him.

JaeMin puts RenJun back down, holding him there by his shoulders, “Jun, you did great, but… who picked the song?”

“What?” RenJun frowns, confused.

“Who picked the song, RenJun?” JeongIn’s words ring in the back of his mind, the first of many strange fights throughout the semester, in front of ChangBin’s door. “Was it you or JeongIn?”

RenJun hesitates for a moment before he lets out an annoyed, “JeongIn, why?”

“I’ll find you later, okay?” JaeMin kisses his forehead in a rush and runs out after stopping in front of SeungMin. 

RenJun can only watch as his boyfriend dashes out of the auditorium when a warm hand shyly touches his back. The vocal major jumps and comes face to face with Jeno. “You scared me!”

“I’m sorry, you did amazing back there,” Jeno smiles and RenJun blushes a bit. Just a bit.

JaeMin makes a mental note to buy Jeno a nice meal after this is all over because his good shape is the only reason he’s able to catch up to JeongIn almost at his dorm’s door. JeongIn questions him with his eyes as he raises his hands in front of himself, trying to catch his breath. After what feels like an eternity, but is probably a minute or so, JaeMin speaks, “Why did you choose that song?”

“How did you…?”

“Why, JeongIn?” JeongIn is shocked by JaeMin’s tone, it’s not loud or violent, just firm with a touch of urgency. Nothing he’s ever used with him. “Please…”

“You like it,” it’s the simplest way of summarizing it. JaeMin groans, so JeongIn continues, “You once said it reminded you of me. It was… the only thing you ever did that could come close to an actual confession.”

“You didn’t like me, JeongIn, you made sure I didn’t forget every single time I tried to confess,” JaeMin rebuts, his breathing still uneven. “Why are you bringing all this back now? The nickname, the song… hugging me…”

“I… I don’t know.”

“You do know, tell me,” JaeMin sounds desperate like he’s the one being cornered. JeongIn feels like the dam is too close to breaking, he just wants to run away, hide from JaeMin’s pleading eyes, and pretend he didn’t choose that song as a last attempt at reminding JaeMin he once loved him. “JeongIn!”

“You just don’t look at me anymore!”

“I don’t look at you?” JaeMin takes two steps back only to return to his previous spot, in total bewilderment. “Since when do you care?”

“I’ve always cared,” JeongIn admits, pushing his shoulders up just to drop them. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m going home tomorrow.”

“You’re going home for the break?” with both hands, JaeMin pushes his hair back. “If you wait a few more days, we can go back together.”

“Yeah, I miss my dads,” JeongIn shrugs. “A few days? The semester ends today,” the idea of doing that doesn’t sound as bad, maybe he could talk to JaeMin alone and then…

“Jun’s flight back home is later this week,” that’s it. JeongIn grunts, squeezing his eyes shut because that annoying sensation is closing up on his throat again. He hates it. He wants to hate JaeMin.

“You want me to stay and watch you and RenJun make out every chance you got? To pretend I don’t know every time you two fuck because your ‘cute as fuck’ boyfriend enjoys making me suffer by asking for advice? To shove on my face how you have moved on and are perfectly fine without me? Why don’t you just take him home and marry him already, huh?!”

JaeMin blurts out a stunned, “What are you talking about, JeongIn?”

Kissing JaeMin for the first time, in his head, wasn’t supposed to happen like that. JaeMin would be the considered boy he is and ask for permission, and JeongIn would say no only to steal that kiss for himself, mocking the older by stating that a kiss should be stolen. Not like this, JeongIn launching himself at JaeMin and wrapping his arms around JaeMin’s neck before their mouths crashed together. It’s not even a kiss, just a press of lips where JeongIn is shaking and JaeMin is nailed on the spot. JeongIn can’t take it, when there’s no response after a few seconds, so he moves back with the tiniest bit of a peck. JaeMin opens his mouth to say something but JeongIn shakes his head.

“I’ll see you after the break,” what a dumb thing to say when they live way too close to each other back home.

~

It’s on the second night that Felix can’t keep on pretending he doesn’t know his son is dealing with something he tries very poorly to hide from them. Chan tries to stop him but he should know by now that once his husband has his mind set, there’s no way out of it. “Honey, can we talk?”

It was only a matter of time before JeongIn had to explain why he wanted to spend all his afternoons curled on the couch, watching movies like “My Best Friend’s Wedding” while stuffing his face with ice cream and chips. He looks up at his dad, “Sure, papa, what’s up?”

“Did something happen over the semester? You can tell us anything, you know that, right?”

“Yes, papa, and no, nothing happened.”

Felix sends Chan a glare and his husband can only sigh, “Innie, please, last time you were like this… JaeMinnie came back home beat up,” JeongIn tenses at the mention of the name he wants to avoid the most. “If he’s going to go back home like that again, I don’t think uncle Yuta will ever forgive us.”

“Don’t worry about that happening again, he has a boyfriend now,” JeongIn grumbles out.

“He does?!” his dad squeals until his son deadpans at him. Felix frowns a bit then, coming closer until he sits down next to him, “Did you fight with JaeMinnie, baby?”

“... Maybe,” JeongIn knows he can’t lie to his parents, so he just turns towards them. “You both saw us grow up, do you think I… could we have dated like ChangBin hyung and Minnie?”

Chan coughs, excusing himself to go to the kitchen for a beer because he sure as hell can’t have this conversation right now. Felix rolls his eyes but places a hand on JeongIn’s cheek, “Oh, sweetheart, why you ask that? Binnie and Minnie were different to Jaem and you. When Binnie left for college, Minnie cried for weeks! When JaeMinnie left, you said bye and left!”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal because I’d be meeting him again a month later, it wasn’t that much time!”

“Innie,” Chan sits on the other side of the couch, unsurprisingly with just a glass of sparkling water in his hand, and Felix is reminded of why he married the man in the first place, “why did you fight with JaeMinnie?”

“Because…” JeongIn’s only vulnerable like this in front of his parents, so he lets himself cry the way he had been holding back ever since he left campus, and feels relieved when Chan and Felix wrap him in their arms silently. “Dad, papa… I think I love Nana.”

“Oh, sweety,” Chan kisses his temple, squeezing him lovingly. “We’ve always known.”

“He loves somebody else now, dad,” Felix cleans JeongIn’s cheeks with his thumbs, the same way he did when he was a kid. “I lost him…”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Felix gently forces his son to look him in the eye as Chan goes to grab some tissues for them, “listen, no matter what, you won’t lose JaeMin. He’s always been a part of your life, as much as you of his, and this is unfair, yes. Love is unfair, baby, and when we have it, we don’t appreciate it as much as we should,” Chan hums in agreement as he hands his baby a few tissues, with which JeongIn cleans his face. “You think your dad knew what he had when we met?”

“Oh, not that, please,” Chan begs half laughing, half crying, and JeongIn tilts his head like a curious puppy.

“Your dad used to bro-zone me all the time,” Felix giggles at his husband’s pained sounds, “look at him now.”

“Point is, Innie,” Chan pulls JeongIn into his side once more, “we all go through this. Your papa made me pay for being a jerk, but it worked out in the end. We have you, and we have each other. I can’t say it will be with JaeMin, but I can say you two will be together regardless of anything.”

“You really think so?” his parents say yes, “I hope you’re right… I think I owe him an apology.”

“TaeYong said he’d come home for the break, perhaps you could go meet him?”

Instead of doing what he should have, JeongIn convinced SeungMin and ChangBin of going to a club. The couple tries to keep an eye on the youngest, who’s always been bad at dealing with emotions and usually likes to drown them in alcohol, but inside a club filled with people, it's kind of hard. SeungMin and ChangBin are in the middle of the dancefloor when JeongIn is the one that finds them, screaming over the music.

“You did _not_ tell Jeno and JaeMin!”

SeungMin shakes his head while ChangBin looks away, “ChangBin!”

“I’m sorry, I thought it’d be good for all of us to hang out together!” JeongIn avoids looking at JaeMin because he’s wearing a simple shirt tucked inside his jeans a leather jacket he’s seen him wear _a lot_ to be as affected as he is. Pushing past them, he goes straight to the counter to ask for a line of shots for himself. SeungMin mouths a “sorry” to them as he follows JeongIn, leaving ChangBin behind with them. “Sorry, guys, didn’t think it’d be like this.”

“Don’t worry,” Jeno gives him a sympathetic smile, “I did think it’d be like this.”

“You did?” JaeMin questions him, so he says he’s going to get something to drink too. “You knew? About JeongIn liking me?”

ChangBin moves comically before he gives up and nods, “Yeah. We did, but we didn’t want you to find out because we know you’re happy with RenJun!”

The music's loud so JaeMin steps closer to ChangBin, “He _kissed_ me, hyung!”

“He what now?!”

~

JeongIn is tipsy by the time JaeMin walks up to him, grabbing his wrists and pulling him away from a stranger that’s practically grinding on him, but pretends he isn't for the sake of his own good, “Why’d you do that?!”

“You hate when people touch you like that!” JaeMin sounds genuinely caring, as always. “Innie, let’s go back home!”

“No!” JeongIn looks around, trying to find SeungMin or ChangBin or even Jeno, but they all seem to be somewhere among the crowd. “Not with you at least!”

“Then with whom?! A stranger?!”

“If they’d fuck me, yeah!”

JaeMin tightens his grip on JeongIn’s wrists, “Stop saying shit,” the younger shivers at the curse falling from the older’s mouth. “I’m taking you home, I don’t want uncle Chan to kill me if something happened to you”

“Don’t start caring for me now!” but JeongIn is ripped from JaeMin’s hands by the same disgusting man from before. JeongIn shivers in fear, completely sober now, and turns desperately to look at JaeMin.

“Were you think you’re going, pretty thing?”

“Can you, please, leave my boyfriend alone?” JaeMin pulls JeongIn back into him, and the younger buries his face in the older’s neck, about to cry at the way JaeMin still protects him despite his efforts at pushing him away.

“Your boyfriend, huh? Prove it,” JeongIn feels the way JaeMin tenses around him. “Or I’m taking him!”

JeongIn chokes, when JaeMin pulls his face up, and parts his lips as an affirmation at the older’s silent question after their eyes meet. JeongIn never thought of anyone as a good or bad kisser, but JaeMin, when he’s not in shock, is an _amazing_ kisser. That can be a biased opinion; but still, JeongIn melts against JaeMin’s chest. A hand reaching up to grab the longish hair at the back of his neck and the other pulling at his shirt, JeongIn follows JaeMin for the first time in his life. JaeMin’s strong arms circle his waist, pulling him flush to his body, and it’s only when the stranger pats JaeMin’s shoulder does JeongIn remember that they shouldn’t be doing that.

“Maybe next time you’ll keep your fucking slut on a leash!” JeongIn lets out a loud yelp when JaeMin laughs bitterly and throws a perfectly aimed punch at the guy’s nose. Another hit lands back on JaeMin’s cheek, and suddenly Jeno is jumping forward from who knows where. Screams and fists fly around him as JeongIn calls out to his friends. The next thing he knows, ChangBin is helping his friends and SeungMin is getting them all out of the place as fast as he can.

The drive back to their houses is very much loud, SeungMin and JeongIn gush over Jeno’s and ChangBin’s face, except for JaeMin, who's blankly staring out at the road. Once they stop at SeungMin’s house, that's much closer to ChangBin’s and Jeno’s, JeongIn jumps down with his friends right behind. JaeMin stays by the other side of the car, “You sure you don’t want me to drive you?”

“No, it’s fine, we’ll go back home tomorrow morning after I finish patching them and myself up,” Jeno reassures his best friend, “you go back safely, okay?”

“Thanks, Jeno.”

“Thanks, Jaem!” SeungMin and ChangBin wave at him, and JaeMin waves back. “Take care of Innie!”

“Always!” the three smile at that, walking inside SeungMin’s house as quietly as they can. A string is pulled in JeongIn's heart at JaeMin's affirmation but spins around after he hears the car’s door closing, so he rushes in too. “You sure you don’t wanna stay with them?”

“They’ll be fine, I don’t want you going back alone.”

“I’m the one with the car.”

“You’re staying with me,” JeongIn’s comment isn’t a question or request, so JaeMin sighs. The drive is awfully quiet until they park outside JeongIn’s house. They stay there, thinking of a way to break the awkward silence.

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m sorry—” 

JeongIn giggles at their perfect timing for overlapping the same thought, and JaeMin’s suddenly not as stressed. JeongIn’s gaze falls to his lap, hiding behind his bangs, “I’m sorry, Nana… for reacting like that. It was selfish of me,” JaeMin carefully tucks some of JeongIn’s hair behind his ear, which makes the younger look up immediately. “I just didn’t want anything to change between us.”

“I know you hate change, Innie,” JeongIn’s heart races a little in his chest at that, it’s no surprise that JaeMin knows such things, but to hear them from him reminds him of how much he’s loved even as friends, “but if you want me to break up with Junnie…”

“No! I don’t want you to break up with RenJun!” JeongIn shakes his head vigorously. “You’re happy, that’s all that matters to me now. I feel bad for this too,” he cautiously touches JaeMin’s cheek, where the bruise is about to show on his skin.

Unconsciously, JaeMin leans his face into the younger’s palm, “It’s okay, I told you before, no one is allowed to badmouth you if I can help it,” the urge to cry is so strong inside JeongIn it’s hard to hide how much he’d like to jump in JaeMin’s lap and kiss the life out of him. Falling in love at different times sucks, but JeongIn can’t complain because JaeMin waited for so long… it’s only fair for him to wait this time. “We should head inside.”

“Hey, Nana?”

“Mmh?”

“You’re a good kisser.”

~

It’s like the break never existed because JeongIn soon finds himself back in his dorm with SeungMin. Things are back to “normal” among the group of friends as JaeMin’s still dating RenJun and JeongIn is still pining a bit after JaeMin, for a change, but they are pulling through the same way they always have.

“It’s so mature of you,” SeungMin praises him as they eat lunch in the cafeteria. “If I’m honest, I thought you two would end up fucking that night.”

JeongIn cackles, “What?!”

“The way JaeMin kissed you,” SeungMin makes an approving face that has JeongIn laughing so loud some people scowled at him.

“I told him he’s a good kisser afterwards,” his friend covers his mouth, and JeongIn smiles as he nods. “I’m okay with the way things are now.” SeungMin changes seats to be next to JeongIn and be able to hug him.

“I love you, Innie.”

“I love you too, Minnie.”

“And I love you both,” ChangBin’s voice comes from behind them, squishing them both in his strong arms. “You’re both so grown up!”

“Don’t say that!” SeungMin swaps him away, “it’s weird when I’m dating you.”

Jeno comes rushing in then, almost skipping when he sees them there, and sits down in front of the three with a face that says he’s in a conflict, “I think JaeMin and RenJun broke up.”

“Huh?!” is the only sound that comes from the others.

“Yesterday, RenJun was serious and today, he asked JaeMin if they could talk for a minute,” Jeno holds both of his index up to keep them quiet, “and when they came back, they were… different. Not… all over each other? No hand holding, no nothing!”

“Maybe they just wanna be a bit more discreet?”

“Bullshit,” Jeno, SeungMin and ChangBin deadpan at JeongIn.

“If that’s so,” JeongIn’s best friend gives him a strange smile, “you can finally date Jaem!”

“Huh…”

As it turns out, Jeno’s right. JaeMin tells them a few days later that they decided to call off their relationship because they felt there was no connection aside from the physical one. JeongIn would beg to differ, but when JaeMin locked eyes with him across the table, he felt his cheeks grew hot. He still hopes he wasn’t the reason behind JaeMin’s break up. Guilt keeps JeongIn from meeting JaeMin, creating a lot of scenarios where RenJun actually hates him and blames him for their break up, which stop when RenJun himself stops him one afternoon after running away from JaeMin at the library.

“Innie!” the nickname doesn’t bother him as much when RenJun uses it anymore, so he halts his jogging. “Hey, you got a minute?”

“Yes, what is it? Everything alright?”

“JaeMin told me everything,” JeongIn starts apologizing profusely, babbling out a lot of nonsense that makes RenJun laugh out loud before he shakes his head. “Stop, stop. I’m not mad and I don’t hate you, Jaem knows you very well and said you’d avoid him when you knew about break up. It’s not your fault it didn’t work, Innie. As good as the sex was, we’re both looking for something else.” JeongIn wants to say something about not needing to know about their sexual compatibility but just purses his lips, “Well… in Jaem’s case, I think he was never looking because he already knew what he wanted. What he’s always wanted.”

JeongIn’s eyes turn into puppy eyes as he pouts at RenJun, and the older melts a little because the younger is way too cute when he’s not being a brat, “Junnie!” RenJun’s arms are full of JeongIn the next second, but it’s not bad.

It’s a bit weird, just like everything in their lives, to see his ex-boyfriend and the love of his life talking comfortably as they walk back to their dorms, so JaeMin can’t do anything but smile.

~

“Do you wanna go see Frozen II?”

JeongIn and JaeMin are together in the library two weeks later, studying for their own subjects yet enjoying each other’s company the same way they did back when they were teenagers. JeongIn is the happiest whenever he shares moments like this with JaeMin, though JaeMin doesn’t need to know it and turn all flirty about it. “Are you asking me out?”

“Do you want me to ask you out?”

“Pick me up at seven,” JaeMin hums, going back to his book. JeongIn stares at him for a few extra seconds, taking in the way he looks when he’s focused on something, and smiles to himself. Little does he know that after he’s back into taking notes for his class, JeongIn is all JaeMin can focus on.

Their date goes as any other time they had hangout together, JaeMin wanting to spoil JeongIn and JeongIn secretly placing money in places JaeMin will _think_ he left it later on but it’s just him paying half of the stuff. There’s something different; a tiny, intranscendental, almost basic thing that has JaeMin about to combust… and it’s JeongIn’s hand in his. It’s his lifelong dream come true. Their hands are almost the same size, yet they fill each other’s finger gaps perfectly, their lines align, and it feels just right. They walk back to the dorms, hand in hand, talking as usual, or so JaeMin thinks, until JeongIn pokes his forehead.

“You keep looking at our hands, what’s wrong?”

“I love them.”

JeongIn blushes, taken aback by JaeMin’s bluntness, “Yah, Lee JaeMin!”

“What? It’s true, they look cute,” JeongIn can’t help the laugh that escapes from him, shaking his head as he intertwines their fingers. “I’m gonna die!” JaeMin exclaims as he points at their fingers laced together.

“Stop before _I_ kill you.”

JaeMin leans closer to JeongIn’s face, so close their breaths mingle, and turns serious for a second, “You like me too much for that.”

Playfully shoving him away, without letting go of his hand, JeongIn complains, “Sadly!”

~

JeongIn lost count of their kisses after their third kiss during their first date, it was soft and slow, probably the way JaeMin always wanted it to go, and from then on they never stopped so it was impossible to keep track of them. Hugging was pretty common, even between them because of their parents, so that didn’t count as doing something new.

Now… _sex_ makes JeongIn tremble, in both fear and anticipation. None of them are virgins but taking that step still makes JeongIn nervous. Though he blindly trusts JaeMin, JeongIn can’t stop remembering RenJun’s remarks and comparing himself to him. JeongIn is just slightly shorter than JaeMin, not _tiny_ or _cute_ like RenJun, so when they accidentally walk in on RenJun and Jeno going at it in their friend’s dorm, JeongIn just couldn’t imagine JaeMin wanting him like _that_. JaeMin never pressures him into anything; in fact, he can practically be on the other side of the room if JeongIn as much as seems uncomfortable with his proximity, which makes it even harder for him because it’s so embarrassing to admit such things.

“You leaving?” JaeMin asks SeungMin, as he packs a small bag with clothes, as soon as he steps inside their dorm.

“I’m spending the night with Binnie,” JaeMin smirks, and SeungMin smirks right back, so JeongIn almost pushes his best friend out the door. “See you tomorrow, boys! Have fun and stay _safe_! Got some extras in my—” the door is slammed on his face by a very flustered JeongIn.

“We don’t have to do anything yet if you don’t want to, Innie,” JaeMin reminds him as the younger takes out his own storage of lube and condoms. “Seriously, don’t listen to them.”

“I want to, okay?!” JeongIn’s whole face is tinted pink, and JaeMin awes at the cute sight. “Sit!”

Without wasting a second, JaeMin sits on JeongIn’s bed, looking at JeongIn like an excited puppy but staying well still. “ _Kissu_?” he asks, the same way he always did when they were kids, and JeongIn would usually smack him in the face with something, but this time he just quickly kisses his lips. JaeMin is buzzing from a simple peck. “Innie?”

“Yeah?” JeongIn turns to his boyfriend, the label still feels weird on his tongue and mind, but that’s what JaeMin is for him now… so it’s a good weird. JaeMin stands up and walks towards him, taking his face between his hands. JeongIn leans up so their noses are touching. “Nana?”

“I love you,” never will JeongIn get used to the way JaeMin pronounces those words while looking at him like he’s the sole reason for existing. “I love you, with or without this.”

“I just…” JeongIn wraps his arms around JaeMin’s neck, “I’m nothing like RenJun and no one has issues fucking him based on what I know.”

“Are you insecure because you’re not _what_ exactly, love?” those petnames roll so nicely off of JaeMin's tongue that JeongIn only feels warm whenever he hears them. “Because I won’t touch you or do anything until you’re sure.”

“I’m not… small and cute?”

JaeMin’s lips stretch into the biggest smile JeongIn has ever seen, and he’s seen JaeMin smile oh so many times, yet this one is so radiant and pure it has JeongIn weak in the knees, “You’re being the absolute cutest right now, Innie,” JaeMin’s thumbs caress JeongIn’s bottom lip, “if that’s what’s making you have doubts, you have no reason to feel that way. You might not be small, like RenJun, but you’re still the one I’ve wanted ever since…” the older shuts up suddenly.

JeongIn smirks, feeling much better and confident now, “Since?”

“Since forever,” JaeMin is the one blushing now, “okay? You’ve literally been in all of my sexual fantasies.”

“Wait, RenJun asked me about your kinks,” and suddenly the mood is no longer heavy, it’s just them being close and feeling comfortable. “I know… some? From those moments when Jeno outted you at parties.”

“Ugh,” JaeMin groans, remembering some of those, “well, yeah. I never tried anything with RenJun, or anyone at that, because… they… weren’t _you_. I only wanted you. I only want _you_.”

“So? Tell me,” JeongIn pulls JaeMin to the bed, the lube and condoms on it bouncing a bit once they sit down, and the younger laughs. JaeMin pushes them a bit aside, resting his back against the wall so he can hug JeongIn to him, back to chest, as they speak. “I know you like praising and kissing and all that mushy stuff…”

“Yes, is that so bad?” JaeMin breathes on JeongIn’s ear, and he shivers a little. “A little vanilla sex is always good, you know? But… uh, I like being in control.”

JeongIn twists his head a bit to look at JaeMin, “... Wait,” now that he thinks about it, it makes sense. JaeMin’s soft and never takes the lead unless it’s strictly necessary outside the bedroom, so it’s only right that he’s in charge in it. “That means you’ll tell me what to do?” ironically, JeongIn loves giving up control.

That’s how JeongIn soon forgets all about his old thoughts of JaeMin not wanting him. JaeMin guides him in every minute of it all, turning into a whole different person. JeongIn can’t say he’s not turned on by this side of his boyfriend. This JaeMin has him on his knees, fingers tangled in his hair, as he bobs his head on his cock. Which, if JeongIn must say, is pretty fucking nice. JeongIn peers up through long eyelashes at JaeMin, who’s staring right back down at him, and if it wasn’t for the adoration clear in his eyes, JeongIn would be feeling more than insecure due to his hard expression. JeongIn finally eases down on the whole length, that’s not little, and moans when JaeMin pushes a bit deeper.

“Oh, you like that?” JaeMin’s voice is low and raspy, so sensual JeongIn can only moan again around his mouthful. “Next time I’ll make sure to fuck your face then, gorgeous.” JeongIn is already wanting it. If anyone had told him one day he’d be willingly on his knees for JaeMIn, begging for his cock, he would have flipped them off… but now, now he can only lick every inch of it. “Get up here.”

Crawling back on JaeMin’s lap, JeongIn whines as his boyfriend’s hands feel up his thighs. He’s not exactly sure when all their clothes fell to the floor, it was probably after JaeMin pushed him against the mattress, kissing him with such ferocity it almost seemed like he wanted to eat JeongIn whole. JaeMin pulls his head back by the tight grip on his hair, exposing his neck for him to kiss, suck and bite, leaving flourishing bruises all over it. In the morning, JeongIn will most likely give JaeMin hell for all the hickies he will have to somehow cover, but right at this second, he wants them all over his body. JeongIn wants to be owned by JaeMin.

“Mark me,” the plead slips out of his brain, “all over, I want to feel you even when you’re gone… remind me and everyone I’m yours.”

JaeMin’s sharp eyes find his, silently asking, before he simply nods. JeongIn’s almost on the verge of tears when JaeMin’s sucking on the last bruise of the moment, his thighs are littered in red and purple, and his own hard on is leaking so much precum he should be embarrassed. It’s too much and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the stimulation, JaeMin, or both, but he wants more. He’s given up resisting, taking whatever the boy above him wants to give. “You sure, Innie?” JaeMin’s in front of his face then, giving short kisses to his lips and pushing the sweaty hair out of his eyes.

“Yes, I’m sure, Nana,” JaeMin smiles at the nickname, stretching his arm out to grab the long forgotten lube to pour some on his fingers.

“Spread your legs, love,” JaeMin, in all honesty, is using all his willpower not to come over too strong onto JeongIn. The younger is all he’s ever wanted and having him, chest heaving and eyes falling shut, skin covered in _his_ marks… it’s more than JaeMin’s heart can take. JeongIn does as he’s told, and JaeMin feels lightheaded at the sight. “So fucking perfect…”

JeongIn flushes at the praise, trying hard not to close his legs, when he feels the first lubed fingers tracing his rim. He’s so glad for SeungMin’s pushiness to be prepared than sorry. They forget for a sec that neither of them are virgins and they have done this before, and that this isn’t supposed to feel like this; still, it’s _their_ first time _together_. It’s the first time JaeMin’s feeling the tight heat around a single digit, and it’s the first time JeongIn’s so sensible from getting prepped.

JaeMin’s free hand comes up to play with one of JeongIn’s nipples, distracting the younger from the light stretch from his second finger, and JeongIn bites his tongue to avoid saying how good JaeMin’s long fingers feel; instead, tiny whimpers come out of him. It’s surprising how opposite they are during sex, JaeMin smoothly leading them while JeongIn turns into a moaning mess.

Who wouldn’t when JaeMin’s three fingers in deep and mouthing at your thighs, “Nana,” he calls, what for? Who knows. “Nana,” it’s the only thing he knows at the moment as his body pushes back on the teasing fingers. It might come out as teasing, but JaeMin’s trying to spot his prostate as gently as he can, which is honestly driving JeongIn crazy. “Nana!”

The older pushes a bit deeper and JeongIn bends in half, taking both of them by surprise, and lets out a cut off moan. JaeMin smirks and his eyes darken, pressing against that spot again, and JeongIn’s fingers pull onto the sheets. The hand that had been pinching his bud, moves down to jerk JeongIn off in time with the jabs of his fingers. “Feels good?” JeongIn can’t even form a coherent sentence, nodding as he gasps. “Let me know if you wanna cum.”

“No,” but his body’s still greedily moving, his climax building up inside, “I mean, yes,” he manages to breathe out, “but I want you inside. Wanna cum with you inside,” JaeMin exhales at that, his cock enjoying the thought of it. “Please, Nana, please.”

How could JaeMin ever deny such a pretty request? JaeMin makes sure they’re both comfortable on the bed, hushing JeongIn’s little cries, “Shhh, Innie,” JeongIn’s so needy during sex, and JaeMin will keep that fact for himself. The older is relieved he had put on the condom as soon as he got hard; otherwise, JeongIn would have probably woke the whole dorm floor up had he taken more time. After lubing his cock up some more, JaeMin pushes JeongIn’s legs further apart.

“Nanaaa,” JeongIn stretches out his name, as if that’s going to make him get his boyfriend’s dick inside faster

“Hush, Innie,” JaeMin doesn’t mean to sound as stern as he’s pushing the head of his member into his boyfriend but it’s hard not to push all the way. It’s too quiet all of a sudden, so he looks up to see JeongIn sucking on three of his fingers. JaeMin is so close to cumming he has to hold the base of his shaft, halfway in. “Fuck, JeongIn!” he whisper-shouts, and JeongIn’s blown pupils focus on him.

It takes a few minutes, JeongIn will never tell JaeMin he once fingered himself thinking of him not long ago, so they just adjust their positions. JaeMin turns JeongIn a bit on the side, so one of his legs is on the bed and the other is resting against the older’s front, “Move,” JeongIn demands, so JaeMin bites the side of his knee. “Nana!”

“Next time I’ll teach you not to be a brat,” it’s a promise and JeongIn is looking foward for him to fulfill it. Ever so slowly, JaeMin sets a gentle pace, sliding in and out of JeongIn’s body. The drag of JaeMin’s cock against JeongIn’s walls force moans out of them both, and the older knows he won’t last too long. With a hand holding JeongIn’s waist, so hard it will add bruises to the collection, he uses the other to mastubate the younger in time with his sloppy thrusts.

“Ah, ah, _ah_ ,” JeongIn’s sounds are cut off with each snap of JaeMin’s hips, his toes curling and his back arching when the older pulls him up completely onto his lap, pressing into his prostate with the tip of his dick. “There, there, there,” JeongIn squirms so much he almost slips out of JaeMin’s grasp, his hands limp on his sides, but the older manages to keep him in place and starts ramming into that same spot. JeongIn shakes and whines; he’s so loud JaeMin is scared they might get a knock from any of the dorm’s assistants.

“Innie,” JaeMin softly calls and bends down, muffling his sounds with his lips. JeongIn grabs onto JaeMin’s shoulders, pulling so strongly it becomes very uncomfortable, but he doesn’t quit until JeongIn’s sobbing against his mouth. JaeMin feels how close JeongIn is in the way his walls almost cut off the blood circulation from his dick, so he jerks his hand faster. Amazingly, JeongIn orgasms with a silent scream that has JaeMin whimpering because his expression: furrowed brows, red cheeks, swollen lips and squeezed shut eyes, is nothing compared to JaeMin’s imagination. The aftershocks last for a little while and JaeMin admires JeongIn as he rides out of his climax, cum still dripping down his member and JaeMin’s fingers.

JeongIn finally opens his eyes, finding JaeMin’s are on his face, and suddenly feels very shy, “Nana…” he mumbles, trying to hide his face in the pillows below. “Stop looking at me like that…”

“Like what?” JaeMin’s painfully hard, but that doesn’t really matter when JeongIn’s acting so cute.

“Like you don’t have your dick in me,” JeongIn takes his boyfriend’s face in his hands, kissing him gently. “Use me like your personal fucktoy, JaeMinnie.”

JaeMin curls a bit on top of JeongIn, with just two or three shallow thrusts after the dirty words from the younger, and he’s coming harder than he ever has into the condom. He braces himself up with little to no strength with his hands on etiher side of JeongIn's waist as his orgasm spasms through his body. JeongIn lets out a breathy laugh, pressing kisses all over JaeMin’s face. “You’re going to be the death of me, Bang JeongIn.”

“I know,” JaeMin can only huff and smile at JeongIn. Fuck, he’s so in love, “but I like you, so I’ll try to keep you alive for a while.”

“You brat.”

~

“Nana,” JeongIn complains, wiggling inside JaeMin’s arms when the older’s alarm on his phone keeps going off. He knows they should probably start waking up unless they want to be late for class, but they still have some absences left. “Nana…”

“Mmh,” JaeMin pushes himself up, without opening his eyes, to pick up his phone. After turning off the alarm, he drags his feet back into bed. JeongIn immediately snuggles up to his chest, warm and comfy once again. They doze off for a few more minutes, too cozy right where they are, until SeungMin pokes his head inside the room.

“You guys are decent?”

“Mmh,” this time it’s JeongIn groaning. They actually are because JaeMin forced them to take a shower after their activities; in retaliation, JeongIn stole JaeMin’s sleeping shirt which led to them almost going at it again after JeongIn said JaeMin abs were hot as fuck. Just from remembering, JeongIn’s fingers start to dance over the hard ridges and dips of the defined muscles. JaeMin gasps, and SeungMin sends them a glare.

“Guys, please, don’t scar my boyfriend,” ChangBin’s voice sounds from the door, and the couple takes a quick peek to make sure there are no more unwanted guests to witness their nesting. “We’ll see you at breakfast!” ChangBin closes the door after SeungMin stomps his way out.

“How long do we have?” JeongIn mutters, eyes still heavy with sleep. JaeMin cracks one eye to check the time.

“You wanna eat something or not?”

“Kinda wanna stay here,” JeongIn pouts, absent-mindedly kissing JaeMin’s collarbones.

“Then we have about forty minutes,” JaeMin sighs, running a hand through JeongIn’s soft locks, before he leaves a kiss on top of his head. “C’mon, Innie.”

JeongIn groans, pushing himself into a sitting position, before he takes a look back at JaeMin still sprawled shirtless on the mattress. The younger can't help himself when he straddles the older's body, leaning down to join their mouths in a lazy kiss, their lips sliding against each other. JeongIn pulls back to stare at a smiling JaeMin, who places his hands on his hips.

JeongIn hisses a bit because there are bruises there, and when he glances down, he's met with endless hickies all over his body, "Jesus, Nana…" the younger gasps, carefullt touching one.

"I'm sorry but you asked!" JaeMin defends himself with a pout, massaging JeongIn's hipbones.

"No, it's okay, I love them," JeongIn smiles at JaeMin, practically glowing with JaeMin's shirt falling off of his shoulder, "I love you, Nana."

JaeMin blushes harder than he ever has, and JeongIn is about to ask what's wrong when he feels something poking at his ass. JaeMin starts stuttering, and JeongIn giggles. "Don't laugh at me!" JaeMin cutely demands while JeongIn rubs their noses. "I love you too, Innie."

"JaeMin!" JeongIn exclaims when the older suddenly flips their positions, caging him against the bed.

JaeMin smirks at him, "That's right, Innie, let them know you're mine."

Needless to say, their phones end up filled with messages and calls from their friends throughout the day. They only stop after JaeMin uploads a picture of them cuddled in bed. JeongIn's drown in one of his boyfriend's hoodies, hiding his smiling face into his neck, and JaeMin's kissing his forehead.

_"Hehe, JaeIn or JeongMin?💕💕💕"_ is written as the caption underneath.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read over 13K of a nonexistent ship... THANK YOU.
> 
> @defJBitch
> 
> 💕💕💕


End file.
